Brasilia H3 N+312

Brace yourselves: Hash N+312 is lumbering toward us next Sunday like a hungover sloth on rollerblades—and surprise! It just so happens to crash headfirst into Mother’s Day here in Brasília.

So here’s the plan, mums: you’ll be pampered in the morning with breakfast in bed (cold toast and lukewarm coffee courtesy of your loving offspring), smothered in chocolates, cakes, and maybe even a cheeky mimosa or three. Then, just when you're reaching peak sugar bloat, it's time to Hash it all off at 15:00.

Yes, Opulence is haring again. And yes, he’s promising a trail so delightfully terrible, so gloriously half-assed, it’ll make you question your life choices and burn off approximately 2.4 cake slices. Maybe even 3 if you cry on the uphill parts.